Lead Me Through

Lead Me Through

As we sat in the tiny radiology room a gruesome drilling noise filled the once quiet space and my eyes darted around as my mind was trying to make sense of what that terrible noise could be. My eyes met the radiologist, and she kindly reassured us that there has been construction and remodeling going on for the last several months. I let out an “Oh!” and my signature nervous laugh. Our 8-year-old son was lying on the bed in the tiny noisy room ready to undergo a standard ultrasound to take a peek at his kidneys. I was so nervous; he was even more nervous.  

If you have never had an ultrasound done it is a completely normal experience except for when you know the radiologist sees an abnormality, but they can't say a word. Some of them have better poker faces than others. They stay professional and just keep measuring and clicking and moving the ultrasound wand around and doing all the medical things that I know nothing about. Our radiologist was accompanied by a student and when I saw her eyes locked into the screen and her head tilted forward like she was doing everything in her power to focus on the image that she was seeing, my heart sank into my stomach. I could feel the tears start to well up in my eyes, but I would pull it together quickly, tilt my head and flash my 8-year-old son a big smile. This felt like a continuum of the trench we had been walking through as a family for the past few months. A series of pains, tragic loss, and medical scares were laid at our feet, and it was heavy and heartbreaking. The kind that leaves you breathless, the kind that leaves you exhausted. The kind that drawls to your knees.  

These trenches that we find ourselves in are all part of this beautiful, amazing, heartbreaking, gut-wrenching human experience and I know that, but it does not make the journey any easier. It doesn’t make it any less gritty, muddy, and taxing. As this long, dark trench has brought me to my knees so many times and I have never cried more tears of pain with my husband than we have through this trench. I know that we will not exit the same way we entered it. I know that God goes before us in this trench and if He doesn’t deliver us out of it He will lead us through it.   

Friend, if you find yourself in a trench where pain, loss, and heartbreak have gripped your heart, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You were made to take that bright light of yours and light up the dark trench with it. That light that you will carry will not only change your path but will change the world around you! That light was meant to speak to the darkness. Friend, I see you. We might not find ourselves in the same place exactly but don’t be fooled by the scrolling of social media. You are not alone in it. You are brave! You are bold! You are courageous! Even when you don’t feel like you areYour light was meant to shine like a city on mountain top but sometimes we are called to walk through the trenches to reach the mountain top. I'm so proud of you!!!! I'm so incredible proud of you!! One tiny step or even a crawl we will make our way through the trenches, TOGETHER!


Megan Wiest

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