by Megan Wiest
Have you ever been so intimated to occupy a particular space, profession, relationship, or dream that you talked yourself into believing that you actually didn’t even want any part of that specific thing? Somehow we trick our minds into believing that we are unworthy to occupy certain spaces or dreams. That’s the unwanting. It’s this amazing thing that we feel drawn to but so incredibly intimated by it we tell ourselves that we don’t even want it, and it becomes our unwanting. (Unwanting is not a real word but let’s just go with it, ok!) Four years ago, I began my professional fitness journey and walked right into my unwanting.
The discussion of what I would do in my newfound fitness profession began with my husband. I looked right into his beautiful eyeballs, and I stated with full confidence that I knew what I wouldn’t do. And that was becoming a cycling instructor. Those words rolled off my tongue with such assurance. WOW, was I wrong! If you know me, then you know how ridiculous a statement was to make. I have been a passionate cycle coach for over three years, and I am just as crazy in love with it as I was when I first began. I was so wrong, and I am beyond grateful that I met one of my very best friends and the owner of Cycle of Heart, Anna. Anna changed my entire idea of what I thought a cycle class was and, most importantly, what it could be. Meeting her and having her in my life was like this connection of two souls that God moved together to do His work, and it has been one of the most beautiful friendships that I hold so dear to my heart.
As I reflect on why those words captured my mind and rolled off my tongue so easily, it is most definitely because I felt unworthy in my fitness profession to take on that title. Not only did I feel unworthy in my profession, but as a person, I felt wildly unworthy. I had an idea of what the perfect cycle instructor would be, and I was never it. I didn’t have any of the qualifications that I THOUGHT I needed to even consider occupying that space. So I lied to myself. I told myself I didn’t want it, but my soul was drawn to it. This is what we do. This is what I do. We become so intimated and stuck in the feeling of unworthiness that we would rather lie to ourselves and miss out. Can I tell you something? When we do this, we cheat ourselves out of something so freaking beautiful!!! When I climbed on that bike and walked into my unwanting, I did it terrified and insecure, and then something changed in me that will never be shaken. Something grew in me that can’t be undone!! In that space and on that bike that is physically going nowhere, I have faced my biggest giants, my scariest mountains, and my strongest advisory. God called me into a space where I swore I didn’t belong, and it lit my soul on fire! I would find His voice in that space. His words would move in me and through me in that space. That space is so freaking life-giving and beautiful!!!
So my beautiful friend, what is YOUR unwanting?? What space do you feel inadequate to occupy but drawn to??? What space have you convinced yourself you don’t even want? Maybe it’s a job, a relationship, or even a gigantic dream. Its time! It’s time to get on YOUR bike, climb YOUR mountains, and face Your giants. It’s time to walk right into your unwanting!!!
P.S. It’s ok. You can do it terrified!!